A fracking contract which will see oil and gas pumped from beneath our feet at St Enodoc has been announced. This is an exciting project to help deal with the upcoming shortages of energy which face the United Kingdom ever more acutely as each year rolls by. As most Members know we do not own the mineral rights beneath our hallowed turf so we are only going to benefit by rental payments from the contractors, one of the most experienced companies in the business the French company “Poisson d\'Avril sa” for their equipment temporarily (30 years) parked on our land. I am sure none of us will mind the small amount of inconvenience which this will create secure in the knowledge that the subterranean products will be keeping the wheels of industry turning and our lights on.
The Captain\'s Committee have already drafted the required the relevant local rules to cover every eventuality with the intention of being fair to all parties. All play in future, other than putting, will be from individual mats to avoid the risk of sparks igniting gas vapour from clubs striking small stones. Bunkers on the other hand will cease to be in play on Health & Safety grounds due to the possibility of a player being trapped by an overflow of the fracking mud. Balls will be removed from bunkers under penalty of 1 shot and placed within 6 feet of the front edge of the bunker so nearer the hole. Naturally any contractors equipment which comes into play will be deemed to be an immoveable obstruction and relief granted at the nearest point of relief even if it is some considerable distance away. Any earthquakes or tremours which move the ball will result in no penalty to the player and the ball is to be played from where it finally comes to rest.
The sort of vehicles that will be seen on our practice ground
Some players who shall remain nameless will be delighted to hear that the 16th will be unplayable as one of the main drilling rigs will be sited there taking up the full width of the fairway and as a result the hole will become a challenging 80 yard Par 3.The practice ground will be a vehicle park and we will cease to be able to use the reservoir for watering as it will be the main mixing point for the water, mud and other poisonous chemicals prior to injection into Mother Earth.
We must all be comforted by the fact that as usual St Enodoc Members will be playing their part to the full for the common good of this country even if the game as we know it will have to adapt to these new circumstances – a small price to pay for our energy in the 21st Century.